tuesday was our second prenatal appointment. we had no idea what to expect as we waltzed into our snug little meeting room, chatted with the super friendly nurse, and derobed from the waist down (only i got the lucky pleasure of derobing for this appointment) as we waited for the doctor to see us. i sat there nervously giggling with daddy, trying in vain to keep the back of my derobed self from overexposure. an impressively short time later we were greeted by our ob, who introduced herself and proceeded to ask the typical (i would assume) follow-up questions while we sat straight in our chairs and attempted to convince this fine doctor that we were in deed fit for nurturing, birthing, and raising a human being. at some point in the q&a session we discovered that our previously determined due date was perhaps not as accurate as we'd originally bet, and she called in the "e.t." machine to be absolutely sure. as it turns out the "e.t." was a huge, white, 1980's style computer on wheels, which we found out later was the money pot we'd been hoping for. this machine would be the window into my ever-stretching uterine walls, and i for one was ecstatic that this beast of a machine decided to evacuate itself from the cobwebs to "check my due date". heck if i cared at that point if my due date was november 4 instead of october 31 (a mere 4 days apart); i however agreed whole-heartedly with the dr. that an ultrasound was clearly in order here.
the doctor asked that i stretch out on the table, she lifted my shirt, and exposed a sliver too much of my waste down regions as she heartily applied the chilly blue gel to my lower stomach. with a white wand, she rubbed the gel around and announced she would let us listen first to my heart beat, then switch to baby's. joey stood close to my side, and with a noticeably cold hand, he took my hand and we waited. thump.... ... thump.... ... thump.... ... thump. there it was. my heart beat. then, she moved to the right, and we heard thump.thump.thump.thump.thump. it was like machine gun heart beats, and it was absolutely mind-blowing. this is completely telling of my first-time mama status, but the sound of your own child's heart beat is the one sound in the universe that is sure to cure all evil, grief, and pain. my eyes were a wet mess as i looked up at joey, and he squeezed my hand as we giggled together over the miracle that was happening in front of us. the doctor let us listen for a few seconds longer as she counted out the beats per second and assured us that this was a normal, healthy sounding heart beat.
joey and i breathed heavy sighs of relief as the doctor switched off the light in preparation for the ultrasound; in that moment, our status as parents was confirmed via fetal heartbeat. no more doubts, and we were so relieved. although, perhaps not as relieved as we were when we saw you move! before i had a second to catch my breath from listening to your heart beating, a picture of you flashed up on the tiny screen above my head. you were kicking like crazy, with both legs, as if you were as excited as we were to finally see you. the screen was fuzzy, and you are teeny tiny at only 10 weeks old, but we saw your big head, small little body, and quick fluttery movements of your arms and legs. daddy said you have too much energy already for him :) but we were so proud of you as we watched your rapid kicks on the monitor. our ob confirmed that your symmetry was perfect, your head was developing nicely, and your length was spot on for 10 weeks and 1 day (your new age... set back 4 days from the age we'd been using since that morning). all of our fears were put to rest, you were there. you were moving. you were perfect.
in four weeks, we will meet with our ob again for another follow-up. i hope i get to hear your heart beating next time as well; i live for the day i get to feel those kicks against my side (although i'm reminded continuously that those kicks will be less exciting at 3:00am while i'm trying to sleep!). i'm still feeling a little nauseated throughout the day, mostly after i've eaten. i attribute most of the discomfort to indigestion. the heartburn usually follows most meals. i think my mood has (thankfully) improved a bit as i've started to feel better. in only two weeks we get to tell our family and friends that we're expecting. part of me is so excited to share, but a large part of me has started to take comfort in our secret, knowing we get to have this little piece of our pregnancy and our baby all to ourselves. i hold on to my privacy a little too tightly sometimes, but this just seems too precious, too perfect. until next time, honey.
we love you,
mama
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