11 months and growing

holy smokes, you guys! this month! there is so much happening in this world, our country, and our family lately. to those topics i wish i had a magical salve, or at least larger arms to wrap the whole of humanity in the warmest of hugs. we're sending up prayers over here and doing our best to spread warmth and comfort. from our house to yours, we're sending you love.

it's also been a pretty big month for amelia, too. somehow, we're almost an entire year in with this one, and i can't begin to tell you all of the feelings i've got bubbling as i gear up to plan her first birthday party. this month, mia started crawling. as happens most months, the minute i hit "publish" on another of her monthly updates, she whips around the corner with some new magic trick she's been keeping in her sleeve. this month it was a shiny new front tooth, speed-crawling, stair and furniture climbing, and my personal not-favorite - spitting. mia loves to fill her tummy full, but once she's done you'll know it from the layer of colored spit she's showered you with between bites. spaghetti night is a particular favorite for mia, and we all walk away covered in a slick, orange dusting of spit by the end of it. her face is covered in beet juice, below, which is just as fun.

she bobs around the house on hands and knees, chasing one or both parents. and although she is fascinated with henry, she mostly lets him carry on without interference. if she catches him in his high chair, though, the story changes on a dime and she's below him immediately, like a puppy on the hunt for discarded scraps. except mia's interested only in unharnessed climbing up his high chair to pick at h's shorts or sneak one of the toys he's squirreled away beside him. sometimes, henry thinks mia's tiny fingers on his toes as she makes the climb up his high chair is hilarious and sometimes he snatches his foot away in agony. it's a gamble to engage with a hungry henry, and mia's more than willing to take the bet.

the other night, in a battle to keep mia from stark danger on our wooden staircase, we did a mini-tutorial on a safe decline from the top floor. henry was super excited to show mia how to "go down on your tummy, mia!" wrapped, as he usually is, in two or more blankets, no shirt, and soccer shorts, he slid down the stairs one by one while coaching mia on her form. "no, mia! on your tummy!" it was actually pretty endearing, and i wish i had it on video to brag/share with the world.

somehow, next month we will have a one year old in our home. i'll try hard not to focus on that reality until it comes, and in the mean time try desperately to remember the way mia growls to show us what a bear says, "aaahr", and that she loves open mouth kisses with her tongue mostly out. joey loves the way she'll happily dole out hugs on demand, although her generosity is waning just a bit as our requests for more and more hugs heat up.

she's still the sweetest around and we are so blessed that she's ours. happy 11 months, mia girl.

amelia and henry through the months.
amelia at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

amelia is three months!

merry christmas! i hope yours was as good as ours. and i hope your christmas tree photo was coordinated. stripped pajamas - i know you know what i'm talking about. i know  you took your christmas tree photo christmas morning, while your kids were red cheeked and glowing. i know your hair was perfect. ours was taken after the presents were unwrapped and our kids were glassy eyed and exhausted. we do things a little more raw around here. i can't stop looking at that family of mine in our mismatched pajamas. i can't think of anything else in this world that i could have asked for. that little picture is my christmas miracle.

the day after christmas, amelia turned three months old. in the last month, she's grown so much. she holds her head, steady as can be. she watches quietly, sometimes chirping at her brother as he wizzes past.

she loves to eat and spends the hours after a bottle spitting up and smiling. i've never met a more content and happy baby. she prefers to be standing, and if you sit her on your lap she'll stretch her legs out and arch her back so you remember to hold her up tall like the big girl she is. she splashes hard in the bath, soaking the towel and counter top around her. she watches her brother like she's memorizing everything he does, as if she's preparing for a pinnacle moment when she'll be big enough to run as fast as he runs, climb as high as he climbs. her eyes are set, determined.

we moved from virginia to minnesota this month. mia has her own bedroom filled with colorful garland and soft, fluffy carpet. her bedroom is right at the top of the stairs, and i imagine her in there rocking her dolls and hiding from her brother. or maybe standing her dinosaurs side by side, in perfect little rows, the way she watched her brother do it. whatever she does, it will be epic, and we will love her endlessly.

happy three months, baby girl.


amelia at 1 month, 2 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

amelia elizabeth

amelia (mia) was born september 26 at 12:11am. she was 7 pounds, 5 ounces and 20 inches long. when they told us she was here, she immediately shouted back at them with blood curdling screams that lasted for well over 10 minutes. she was ours, she knew how to scream :)

my birth experience with amelia resonates with me as a relatively calm, peaceful one. i was scheduled for a c-section on september 26, but my water broke the night before. my mom had just flown in to town to stay with henry, so the timing couldn't have been more perfect. when joey and i arrived at the hospital, they ushered us immediately to labor and delivery, and i felt like we were on a smooth little amusement park ride from there until we came out the other side in a sweet corner hospital room with a baby girl in our arms as our fuzzy prize.

since mia's birth, we've kept our little family of 4 as active as can be. joey went back to work the day we got home from the hospital. henry went back to daycare the following day, and a week after we got home from the hospital we hopped on a plane to minneapolis to spend some time with joey's family.

somehow, through the fog of midnight feedings, caring for a spicy-as-ever henry, and trying like crazy to keep up with the laundry that is now laced with spit-up and pink - so much pink! - we've already found ourselves a month in to this new version of life. last night, the one month anniversary of her birth, mia slept 5 hours. total. which was a not so welcomed surprise for her mother, because generally she's a pretty decent sleeper. last week she decided she'd only nurse a select number of times in a day, and all other nutrients would need to come directly from a bottle - thank you very much. she's relatively tolerant of her brother, and the reciprocal is probably true... sometimes. although, in the first days mia was home henry wished her back into mom's tummy several hundred times, and he can never be trusted for more than a fraction of a second alone in the same room with his beloved baby sis for fear that his "love" will translate into a violent display of non-affection/torture.

in celebration of mia's one month of life, here are some traditional pictures (link: henry at 1 month) in a white onesie for comparison.

motherhood, and henry at almost 20 months, means…

1. waking up to sounds of soft, whispered hums from hucka’s crib  -
“baa, baa, baa, baa, yesth…” (baa, baa, black sheep)
or “da, da, ce, ee, ef, da, ah, ah, enemo, pee,...” (to the tune of the alphabet song).
or commanding shouts of “mama!” or “mama! ah poo poo. (silence) mama!”

2. lots of patient conversations about why we do not throw our food onto the floor – however “done!” we are and urgent we feel about it. and yes, that pile of crumbs and ketchup there is a big “messth”, but no, it is not okay to brush your hand in wide strokes back and forth across the “messth”.  not funny, heart of mine, not in the least.

3. building lots and lots of blanket houses, burrowing in cupboard houses, and coming inches from squishing bitty fingers while shutting closet house doors. everything is henry’s “ouse” these days and so we often lose him for minutes at a time, just before we spread out searching in all of his favorite haunts, following after his echoed voice coming from one corner of the apartment or another, “ouse, mama. ouse!”

4. mango popsicle juice dribbling down a baby chin. we keep large stocks of fruit snacks and stick pretzels, for spearing, on hand for when the urge strikes. we’re always searching for the right balance of delicious enough that mom might eat it, but healthy enough that we still pass some of our nutritional standards. sometimes, that looks like hot dogs, cut in itty bitty bites and loaded with ketchup -  you win tonight, buddy. but tomorrow, you will eat all of your strawberries, yogurt, and potatoes, because we’ve got standards to uphold, you see.

5. holding on real tight to this henry, just as he is. all wiggly, cuddly, inquisitive pieces of him. he hit a growth stop a few months ago, and so now my “huge”, chunky babe is this itsy little boy, with fast, strong legs that zip him to and fro. he’ll sit atop mountains of books, turning the pages one by one for many henry-hours (which converts roughly to 23 minutes). “ee end!” he declares, as he slaps the cover closed and shoots the book atop another growing pile. “ay anold, mama!” so we sing “old mcdonald”, over and over while we sift through the pages and point to the chicken, cows, and flowers.

there should be a special capsule into which these enchanted moments are stored away for safe keeping and later perusal, so i would always be able to smell his fresh-out-of-the-bath damp hair and feel his slippery, squishy lips on mine. but alas, there is only this time we have together, an ever fading memory, and this crazy space of digital magic that will have to do, for now.

h + mom = love, unless grandma's in town

last week, henry remembered how awesome it is to have his grandma in town :) every day he got to sleep really late, wake up and play until his little body was worn plum out, and all the while enjoy the luxury of at least 2 pairs of eyes on him every.single.second. simply heaven.

my mom and her husband drove from south dakota again this year to spend time bumming around in virginia with us and to deliver all million and one pounds of our christmas gifts. henry wasn't spoiled even a little bit the whole time. he was a sad, sad babe when mama came home from work every day to play too, aka ruin henry's life! my sweet, devoted mama's boy wanted not one single thing to do with his silly mother the first few days of grandma's visit. who could really blame him, though? mom's a total snooze.

on saturday we took our visitors to the air and space museum near dulles, va. it's such a cool place to explore, and the weather was crummy all weekend so being inside was the perfect way to pass the time. 

isn't it funny how different 9ish months makes! 

poor h had to say goodbye to his favorites on monday night so they could take off early on tuesday morning. we're excited to have grandma back again in march. thanks for a great visit guys!

it can't be this good. but it is.

have you ever listened to the sound of your voice after it was recorded in video or, maybe worse, as your phone's voicemail playback? if it sounds anything like mine, and it surely can not possibly come close!, it's this horrific screeching sound that turns any semi-intelligable substance of a thought into nails on chalkboard garbage (my husband would argue this is where my true confidence is going to start to shine brightly). the sound i hear in my head every time i write a new blog post and read it back as i skim it for errors (upon errors, upon errors that i sometimes find and fix weeks later because it drives me bananas) is that sound. that same piercing voice going on, and on, and on. and that's not what this was supposed to be about. this was a henry thing. this was a 'my family and me thing'. because it's this incredible period in my life where i wake up every morning and thank the good lord for the miracle that is my life, and darn it i want to remember this time. that's what this space is.

do you know that i am literally living, every single day, the very fantasy that i created in my head and as i played as a little girl? and what's even more astounding is that it's even better than that little pig-tailed girl had imagined. because my son, he's got this really great personality that levels me daily. and my husband is so good. do i need to stress that more? you know how people casually throw out the word "good" to describe the things that aren't bad, giving them the minimal amount of credit, because, well, it wasn't bad? and unfortunately, somewhere along the line we turned the word "good" into "almost bad". but look it up. we've morphed the word from its true meaning. but now when i tell you that my husband is this word, you know that he's everything. he's t.h.e. husband in the books, you guys. he's really, really good.

and as my life has turned into this crazy version of itself, where all my dreams came true, i still find myself wanting, hoping for more. and that's just nuts! absolutely crazy. and because of that burn in me that's constantly convincing me i "need" more and urging me to seek out the other side of the fence (because it's greeeeeeeen, you guys!), i forget all that i have right here. right here!



it's these guys. i have these guys. they're mine. by law. by blood. and they're in love with me back. that's the breathtaking piece, that's where all of this really gets good!

i hope you're good too. i hope you're staying warm in this mid-january cold, because sometimes, even next to the fire it's impossible to stay warm, you know what i mean? don't lose your warmth. i'm really working on that these days :)

when in doubt, share your christmas tree photos

you know, if i've said it once i've said it enough time to elicit a trillion eye rolls - there just ain't enough time in a day. or maybe it's not time that's keeping me from blogging lately but good home-cooked imagination, motivation, exhilaration (that last gem was kind of a stretch, but only kind of). but seriously, it takes all of those things to hash out even mildly comprehensible rants. and i'm not complaining, because nobody asked for this little sliver of heaven-in-a-blog - believe me, i know! - i'm just lightly peppering the screen with excuses to take up space before the video (taken on a dark and grainy cell phone video camera - sorry)...

and pictures...

we spent the holidays back home, in south dakota, like we always do. but before we left, we had allison stop over to take a few pictures of our little family in our little arlington apartment. it's important to us that we remember these moments that are slipping by so quickly, and us in our home seemed like the perfect way to encapsulate our family this christmas season.

one more of our little gal, taken by me (the non-professional), because you've been good.

my angels in front of my mom's christmas tree the night before christmas eve. since we were kids, my brothers and i have always woken before the sun on christmas eve to celebrate christmas with my mom. there've been many version of this tradition, but without fail santa has always come by 4:45am christmas eve, my mom, my brothers and i are always there with bells on (some of us trying harder than others to hide our glee), and every year we walk away dizzy with happiness and completely in awe of the amount of generosity that spills from our family's hearts. this year, like all the years did before, takes the cake as my favorite.

because of these guys :) all of them woke up before the sun rose, some tried extra hard to hide their glee, and every single one of them left the adults completely happy and a lot dizzy. because 4 kids, all 4 and under, throwing around colored wrapping paper as they paw towards their next gift, or desperately gouge at their last gift to dislodge it from its packaging, are straight chaos and are louder than 17 freight trains crashing through the living room window. no exaggeration, i promise.

henry made a haul (boy loves his batteries).

we had such an amazing time with joey's family on christmas eve night. seriously, soooo blessed to have the family that we have. i know i say it a ton, but it can not be said enough!

and we rounded out the trip at the farmers market on friday night with my dad. my dad and brother made my niece and nephews this amazing play food stand, complete with cash register (not pictured), awning, and baskets of any bread, fruit, or melon you could crave. henry craved them all, and took big gaping bites out of eachandevery piece of not-juicy-at-all produce. sorry guys, those fruits just looked so delicious! he stopped mid-chomp after he realized (again) not a lick of that styrofoam was tasty. 

we got home late on sunday night, after a long day of not flying, then flying, then bribing a squirmy/unhappy child with chocolate on the drive from the airport, etc., etc. etc. we left sioux falls a few hours later than we'd planned, but luckily we weren't stuck at the airport the whole time we were delayed because our airline called 10 minutes before our alarm was going to chime its petulant ring to tell us to stay in bed an extra 3 hours and rest. so we did. 

but flying out of a midwest airport in december means mandatory delays for de-icing, fiddling around, etc., etc., etc., and we were still about an hour late flying out, even after our first delay. aaaaand, because of the added delay after the delay we missed our connector in dallas and spent a rousing few hours enjoying texas for all that it is. rousing.

but we made it. through the silent prayers and joey's thrown out back (luggage can be a beast if you let it) and constant flight anxiety exacerbated by additional turbulence and a blessed extra seat nestled right between the two seats we paid for on the flight home. we made it. and like we always do when we find ourselves in particularly harried situations, with a tired and not pleasant henry, we promised each other we would 1. never fly again*, 2. never have another baby**, and 3. seriously, never fly again. 

i hope you had a wonderful christmas full of family and laughter, good food, and big, genuine hugs from people you see too little and love so much. tomorrow is new years eve, and i get to stay home and catch up on my tea drinking, bath taking, and lazy making. i plan to get my hair cut, a luxury i never knew would sound so sweet. happy new year!

* we lie to ourselves about never flying again everysingletime we fly. we both hate it, for completely different reasons, and we always end up doing it again and again and again. 

** scared ya, didn't i grandmas. god willing i will have 6 more babies, but no - i'm not pregnant, for all inquiring brother-in-laws ;)

thanks, so many thanks

yesterday, we spent the holiday with family, which is really the only requirement, as far as holidays go. and true to holiday tradition, we ate until we all slowed waaaaayyy down. and all of the sudden it was five o'clock and we had an hour drive ahead of us. so we bundled up the babe, stuffed the car with all of the toys, high chair, bottles of wine, and left-overs we were sent away with, and tried our hardest to keep our eyes pried open for the drive home. henry and i were both in bed before seven o'clock and we woke up this morning to find that the day of thanks was officially over.

but the thing about thanksgiving is that the warmth of the holiday sort of spills over into the days that follow, the same way the holiday turkey spills from our refrigerator until the final left-over scrap has been licked up. and in the spirit of letting the holiday linger, along with the leftovers, it's fun to share the special things that i am grateful for this year, in case you want to read:

i'm grateful for my husband. a true, ever-present saint, who never fails to amaze me with his patience, love, and dedication. my baby boy, huck, the joy in my days, the reason that i sleep h.a.r.d at night, because being his mama means playing h.a.r.d all day. i'm grateful that joey and i both have stable jobs that provide for our family, that challenge us all day long, and that are just annoying enough to make us r.e.a.l.l.y excited to come home to our family each night ;)  i'm ever grateful for the wonderful women who spend all day caring for and loving h as if he were their own. we couldn't have found a better, more loving place to bring henry each day! i'm grateful for those crazy folks who thought air transportation could be a real thing, because it is and i need it! thank you sioux falls regional airport and all of the airlines that graciously fly us straight home when the need to see our families gets to be too great - only 3 more weeks until our next flight home! i'm grateful for kitchen pans and utensils that keep us busy throughout our black friday at home alone together, without our car - because joey accidentally took the keys to work with him. so instead of spending the day braving the looooong lines and crossing off items on our christmas list, we're making big, glorious messes and giggling at one another as christmas carols chime in the background.

this life is crazy and messy and sometimes it makes me really sad, but it is the greatest blessing in all the world to have this life with my little family in this little place on this earth. i hope your holiday season is filled with twinkling lights, big, hearty laughs, and warm, cozy time together with family.

take it out, henry.

o.n.e.

my little boy, he's...

one!

which sincerely makes me stop cold in my tracks, as first birthdays usually do. twelve months. how did that much time pass? because i swore that wouldn't be me, i wouldn't be that mom who let the clock spin so quickly, or let the hours pass without notice. but i was, and it did. and even though through the cold, lonely 3 o'clock feedings, when i was sure the hours didn't pass at all, i knew without a doubt i would be able to control the time, and the passing of it. wrong, wronger, wrongest.



on the day my henry turned one, joey and i tore into his bedroom the second we heard him stir. and with us, we brought gold balloons. scads and scads of gold balloons with which to fill his crib. he swam around in the magic of being a one year old boy with golden balloons in his stark white crib while his crazy parents sang "happy birthday" in goofy voices and smiled and squealed until he was giggling himself, so caught up in the fun of it all.

and then, he swam some more! it was our first day of swimming lessons, and henry was so tired he could hardly keep his weary eyes open. but he was such a good sport, and i am so excited to go back tomorrow for lesson number 2!

we had the most special day with my very special boy. i just couldn't be more proud of this kid.

to round out the tradition, here's my hucka at 12 months - one year old!

and don't forget, henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, and 11 months.

oversharing at its finest

i don't think it's any secret that being a mama* is hard. and lord knows i've written about my own struggles a time or twenty. but no matter how much i sometimes wish i could do nothing but stare at a wall for seven sweet hours in a row after tackling one of huck's more impressive shows of defiance, there is nothing i have done in my life that comes close to filling my heart the way that being henry's mother has done.

on saturday, huck will turn one. he came into this world defining his own path, and every day since he's done his best to teach his type-a mother that plans really are just a loose outline of what could be a much better ride with a little bit more freedom to roam. so we roam these days, and it's still really hard - this mama thing - but i've got some great company to lean on. we (meaning i) mess up a lot, but we're doing our darndest to enjoy the ride. all of it. even the deep, muddy puddles and tire-shredding rocks.

henry is tough-as-leather determined when he is sure he's made up his mind. he's always been really talented at back arches, the kind that makes his head pop back onto any surface behind him - the soft forgiving kind, or not. but lately, once he's flipped his head back in disgust/agony/boredom, he'll twist himself up like an alligator to escape parental constraints. and in the second it takes him to rip his body from the embrace of his captor, he turns himself into a loose puddle of sorrow, crumpled on the ground with is face in his hands (literally) to mourn the dreadful events that brought him to his wits end. and in the next minute, he's on his hands and knees racing at full speed towards any and all forbidden electrical cords/toilet bowls/garbage cans/cupboards filled with toxins/etc. it's all a cyclical game of "what's henry going to do next?", and his parents are tied for dead-last!

he knows where his teeth are, and if he's in any kind of mood to humor you he'll point them right out on the spot. he likes to give high fives, big, open mouthed kisses to daddy and only the best kind of hugs for mommy. he feeds himself - no thank you, i don't need any help. and his bottle or cup are most often favored over any other kinds of sustenance. he hates his car seat (constricting!), loves his stroller (open air adventure!), and when witching hour (6:47pm) strikes - the bathtub is the only place he'll keep his cool until bed time, at 7:04.

he's all kinds of wonderful, and i could go on and on. but i won't. because we've got company coming in to help us celebrate our birthday boy this weekend, and i've got an apartment that needs to get cozy with some dusting spray and a vacuum cleaner before henry plows through the door to destroy e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g ;)

have a good one!

ps: he was a dinosaur for his daycare halloween party, and we dressed him back up to go out for sushi that night (hence the red "bib"). but that was the extent of his halloween adventures, because he's not even one yet, you guys! he fell asleep like a dinosaur angel on the way home from dinner and we had to peel his costume off of him while he slept once we were home. it was maybe one of my most precious recent memories.

*that first link, at the very top, is it! words stitched together in exactly the right combination of bitter truth and beautifully described solidarity. read it, fellow mamas (and then call me, because "lonely" is my middle name)!

happy fall to you

this weekend was filled to the brim with orange melons, seasonal photos, and beautiful weather. we were in fall heaven all weekend long.

henry wasn't quite sure what he was expected to do with the odd shaped balls that we kept propping him in front of. he couldn't get over the strange arms sticking out the top of all of them that really tasted like nothing at all (he tried and tried to suck out the flavor, as he does with everythingelseontheplanet). and the straw all over the ground was maybe the most annoying thing he's had to deal with yet, because it stuck on hard to his klepto fingers and tasted even worse than the strange wooden arms.

 he found out later that the white balls were for painting....

mom and dad opted to forego the paint for good ol' fashioned carving.

joey hopes you'll notice the perfect placement of that pumpkin scar just between the eyes of his
masterpiece. i'll tell him you did.

henry already has his halloween costume hanging in wait in his closet. he can't wait to slip squeeze into it later this month so his mother can take an unhealthy amount of pictures and plaster them here for y'all to see. hurry back!