11 months and growing

holy smokes, you guys! this month! there is so much happening in this world, our country, and our family lately. to those topics i wish i had a magical salve, or at least larger arms to wrap the whole of humanity in the warmest of hugs. we're sending up prayers over here and doing our best to spread warmth and comfort. from our house to yours, we're sending you love.

it's also been a pretty big month for amelia, too. somehow, we're almost an entire year in with this one, and i can't begin to tell you all of the feelings i've got bubbling as i gear up to plan her first birthday party. this month, mia started crawling. as happens most months, the minute i hit "publish" on another of her monthly updates, she whips around the corner with some new magic trick she's been keeping in her sleeve. this month it was a shiny new front tooth, speed-crawling, stair and furniture climbing, and my personal not-favorite - spitting. mia loves to fill her tummy full, but once she's done you'll know it from the layer of colored spit she's showered you with between bites. spaghetti night is a particular favorite for mia, and we all walk away covered in a slick, orange dusting of spit by the end of it. her face is covered in beet juice, below, which is just as fun.

she bobs around the house on hands and knees, chasing one or both parents. and although she is fascinated with henry, she mostly lets him carry on without interference. if she catches him in his high chair, though, the story changes on a dime and she's below him immediately, like a puppy on the hunt for discarded scraps. except mia's interested only in unharnessed climbing up his high chair to pick at h's shorts or sneak one of the toys he's squirreled away beside him. sometimes, henry thinks mia's tiny fingers on his toes as she makes the climb up his high chair is hilarious and sometimes he snatches his foot away in agony. it's a gamble to engage with a hungry henry, and mia's more than willing to take the bet.

the other night, in a battle to keep mia from stark danger on our wooden staircase, we did a mini-tutorial on a safe decline from the top floor. henry was super excited to show mia how to "go down on your tummy, mia!" wrapped, as he usually is, in two or more blankets, no shirt, and soccer shorts, he slid down the stairs one by one while coaching mia on her form. "no, mia! on your tummy!" it was actually pretty endearing, and i wish i had it on video to brag/share with the world.

somehow, next month we will have a one year old in our home. i'll try hard not to focus on that reality until it comes, and in the mean time try desperately to remember the way mia growls to show us what a bear says, "aaahr", and that she loves open mouth kisses with her tongue mostly out. joey loves the way she'll happily dole out hugs on demand, although her generosity is waning just a bit as our requests for more and more hugs heat up.

she's still the sweetest around and we are so blessed that she's ours. happy 11 months, mia girl.

amelia and henry through the months.
amelia at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

amelia at 10 months

my mia girl. she's got a lot she's thinking about lately. she's teething, scooting, learning how to crawl/stand/talk/eat/be a human. she's also been tasked with the enormous job of navigating her relationship with her brother. last night henry was feeding mia string cheese, in the smallest of bites, with ever so much care. amelia just watched him, skeptical as he placed each piece in her mouth. she opened gingerly for each bite, both eyes locked on henry's face. is he joking right now? and then, without warning, he chomped off the top half of the whole stick, did a little dance (i'd like to think he wasn't taunting her...), and threw the rest of the stick on the stove - which wasn't hot, thankfully. ah!, she must have thought. that's the brother i know! he's crazy!

she scoots around the house like she's scavenging for berries. always curious, in search of some juicy pile of loot she can dig apart and taste before the rest of the humans in the home discover her and remove her from her prize. she stands on wobbly legs (well supported by a parent or piece of furniture) and still can't figure out the mechanics of walking. one foot in front of the other looks more like one pointed toe out and a lot of wobbly legs. it's one step forward and a half a step back, but she's catching on more each day.

she's got two bottom teeth and three on top. we're waiting patiently for the gap in her front teeth fill in, and lately her mood tells us it won't be long at all (teething is the worst!).

she sleeps like perfection, nice long naps and straight through the night. i am currently pondering a way to teach henry to do the same (even at 3.5 yrs old he has never consistently slept through the night). she doesn't love the car, but as long as she has a parent close by and they are willing to sing song after song, she will tolerate her position in the car seat. her paci will resolve just about any disappointment.

as i say every month, and will say again and again, my mia is an absolute joy to have in our lives. her smile and shouting conversations keep us giggling all day. we are ever so in love with you sweet heart. happy 10 months!

amelia and henry through the months.
amelia at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

a little letter to my (not so) little girl - 8 months

dear mia,

we call you mia because amelia rolls off the tongue less easily, although i still think your name - amelia elizabeth larson - is beautiful and suits you well. we started calling you sis when you were born to help henry understand who you were, and it stuck so quickly and so hard that we've struggled to move away from it. daddy still calls you sis sometimes and probably always will.

you are a strong sleeper, but prefer a space as dark as can be. you sleep in our bedroom, and i can hear you searching for your paci in the night. sometimes you struggle to find it, and although i wish you and i were both sound asleep i smile to myself as i walk over to you. your neck cranes up to find me in the dark, and when you know it's me you are alert and rarely settle back down without a snuggle and a short dance in the dark.

we think you are the sweetest baby sis there's ever been, and everyone loves when you're around. you are never still when you're awake. if you're standing, you're jumping. if you're sitting, you're reaching. if you're eating, your hands are moving. table food makes you especially excited, and when you see food coming you stretch your arms out until you are the letter "T", and you move your wrists around and around as if all of your excitement is wiggling through your arms and out your fingertips. you make short little bursts of sounds, like hiccuping exclamations of joy, while we sing songs about your yummy food and play peek-a-boo because we can't get enough of your bright smile.

if you are on the floor, you roll to your tummy, which is so round and too heavy for your short little arms. you are puzzled about how to lift yourself up with your arms, much less your knees. you spend a few minutes wiggling your limbs, stuck in one spot. your tummy is like a fulcrum, glued to the ground. and though you try with all your might to get your tummy to roll you to where you reach, you are like a roly-poly toy, stuck in one place with your arms and feet in the air.

your slanted eyes become thick hyphens when you laugh, and your wispy hair dances in the wind. when you are frustrated or sad, your throaty cries are echoey and persistent, your arms stretch out like branches on a tree, and your face crumples in gloom. there is no one in our house who can bear to hear you sad, and those cries are quickly soothed with daddy's goofy smile, henry's sweet songs, or snuggles from mama.

at eight months old, you are mostly quietly observing and reaching for the things you'd love to explore. i wonder about who you are behind your wide smile and gooshy cheeks. what are you thinking while henry skips past you and throws himself into a ball on the floor among his itty bitty toys and easter eggs (his newest obsession)? i wonder if you will be a boundless ball of energy and excitement like henry, or if you will be a quiet introvert with worlds of thought rolling around in your head. will you love to explore and spend summers with thick dirt beneath your fingernails or will you tell stories to your teddy bears while you serve them tea beneath a tree? i love to imagine that you will be all of these things and all of the things i couldn't possibly imagine. i imagine henry will drive you crazy and be your biggest supporter all at once. because he loves you, mia, more than you will ever know. we all do, sweetheart. and we are so proud that you are ours.

amelia and henry through the months. 

amelia at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

Mia is 6 Months!

 

despite her stuffy nose and yucky cough, she smiles. always. we kept her home with us two days last week, and on thursday i took her to see the doctor. it was croup, we decided, and we got by with snuggles, pain medication, and a steamy bathroom. not the way we wanted to welcome in her half-year birthday, but we're so glad she seems to be on the mend this week.

she weighs 18lbs 2.5oz. she's 27 inches long. yesterday, she tried pears for the first time and ate them as though she's been doing it for years. she also slept in her crib all night long - an enormous victory for someone who's made her devotion to her rock-n-play fervently known since birth. she's getting so strong, and she uses her strength to pull her brother's blanket - which he does not love. at all. - and sit up, almost by herself.  she's got a determined soul, one i imagine to be peppered with stubborn spunk and independence like her brother (and mom and dad, if we're being honest). 

her daddy makes her smile most these days, but when she's sick or wakes in the night, it's mama she needs. she is almost certainly soothed with the one verse of "row your boat" that we know (are there more versus??), but one must sing it on repeat. even henry has come to rely on a verse of some tune or another to soothe his sister when she starts to cry. "a - b - c - d - e - f - g," i'll hear him singing from the kitchen as i rush to make mia a bottle. "... gently down the stream...," he croons from his perch on the couch, with what appears to be his full attention locked on the television screen. "if you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream. ahh! row, row, row your boat...," he continues, until he hears her cries subside and his full attention is once again devoted entirely to the characters' voices on tv or the challenge of standing all of his plastic ninjas side by side on the ottoman. 

mia's favorite thing to do these days, it seems, is to bounce. she's got an endless compulsion to roll to her tummy immediately when she's laid down on her back, which almost always leaves her dismayed. he brother is completely fascinating, even more so because he so rarely acknowledges her. she giggles when she's tickled - just below her neck line or on her legs - and she loves to be thrown in the air. we're still waiting for the belly laughs we got with henry at 6 months, but this little gem takes things at her own pace. 

we love you, baby girl. you've made our year already!

amelia at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

predictable four month check-in

mia is four months old, you guys. yet, i know it was just last week that i poked in here to brag about all of her three month tricks. there's got to be a way to bottle the baby months, doesn't there? i'd pay some real good money to be able to swim in these precious times for the rest of my life. i'd even be willing to hang on to the mid-night feedings if it meant i could smooch those million dollar cheeks for the rest of my days. gosh darn it, mommyhood is a heartbreaker.

to celebrate amelia's fourth month on earth, we met her new doctor and impressed him with her no-doubt record breaking verbal skills and physical abilities. amelia's sweet demeanor and impressive neck strength had the new doctor eating out of her tightly clenched fists, which must have made the three shots that followed seem all the more cruel. she handled the pain with a brave face and a few marble-sized tears, and then promptly fell asleep for what seemed like 24 hours. when she woke up this morning, she remembered the agony she'd dealt with the day before and hasn't let us forget about it since. in the hours she's been awake she's cried more than i've ever known to her to cry since birth, so you know we hurt her feelings in a big way, to say nothing of the sad sores she's carrying around under those tweety bird bandaids. poor girl.

a few days ago, i walked in to find amelia several inches from the perch i swore i'd set her in, and she'd pivoted about 45 degrees. the following day, she rolled from her back to her tummy. you don't need to tell me these little moments are important only to her overly proud parents. you also don't need to tell me she's incredible. because i know.

i mentioned last month in passing that our little family moved from virginia recently; but as it played out the move was pretty monumental for us, and really sort of a dream come true. before joey and i got married, we lived together in a cute little house in st. paul, and i think since then i've always imagined raising our family back there some day. in a mix of fate, good luck, and probably a lot of stubborn determination - here we are. it's insane to drive around these cozy little streets in the same car we used to cruise in, just the two of us, but now with two car seats in back and babes to fill them. strange the way life shakes out sometimes, isn't it? and even as i type this, i can't help but feel so grateful for the time we had in virginia - all the growth, all the challenges - and the the enormous blessing that we somehow found ourselves back here.

some day, i'll post a few pictures of our house now that we've settled in a little and finally feel like it's ours. we moved in to what we thought was a completely move-in-ready gem, but it turns out historic homes - for all their charm and beauty - come with fun little projects that aren't at all 'fun' and  are even less 'little'. we've quite literally been working on something in the house since we moved in. there may have even been one night where joey was haunting around at 2:00am trying to get the heat to come on in negative outside temperatures. i told you, not at all fun. but i have to hand it to joey for all of his hard work and handy-man skills. we've only ever rented together, with actually really responsive land-lords willing to fix just about anything in less than 24 hours, so it's been fun for me to see the hidden skills joey's been able to pull out as a home-owner almost every day around here. i think my parents would be thrilled to know that i married someone so able :) i, of course, married him for his good looks and wit, so the extra skills are just a welcomed bonus.

thanks for reading this extra long novel. check back next month for a fifth installment of amelia's bio, and maybe a few pictures of our home - if you're good.

xoxo


amelia at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

amelia is three months!

merry christmas! i hope yours was as good as ours. and i hope your christmas tree photo was coordinated. stripped pajamas - i know you know what i'm talking about. i know  you took your christmas tree photo christmas morning, while your kids were red cheeked and glowing. i know your hair was perfect. ours was taken after the presents were unwrapped and our kids were glassy eyed and exhausted. we do things a little more raw around here. i can't stop looking at that family of mine in our mismatched pajamas. i can't think of anything else in this world that i could have asked for. that little picture is my christmas miracle.

the day after christmas, amelia turned three months old. in the last month, she's grown so much. she holds her head, steady as can be. she watches quietly, sometimes chirping at her brother as he wizzes past.

she loves to eat and spends the hours after a bottle spitting up and smiling. i've never met a more content and happy baby. she prefers to be standing, and if you sit her on your lap she'll stretch her legs out and arch her back so you remember to hold her up tall like the big girl she is. she splashes hard in the bath, soaking the towel and counter top around her. she watches her brother like she's memorizing everything he does, as if she's preparing for a pinnacle moment when she'll be big enough to run as fast as he runs, climb as high as he climbs. her eyes are set, determined.

we moved from virginia to minnesota this month. mia has her own bedroom filled with colorful garland and soft, fluffy carpet. her bedroom is right at the top of the stairs, and i imagine her in there rocking her dolls and hiding from her brother. or maybe standing her dinosaurs side by side, in perfect little rows, the way she watched her brother do it. whatever she does, it will be epic, and we will love her endlessly.

happy three months, baby girl.


amelia at 1 month, 2 months.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

amelia is 2 months!!

today, our sweet mia turned 2 months old. what is it about baby number 2 that turns it all around? maybe that was just my experience, maybe henry was a particularly challenging baby. maybe he was born at a particularly challenging time in my life - our marriage. when everything was new, and babies are different - much different than they could ever warn you of, than you could ever prepare yourself for.

remember this post? i was in the thick of it, newly parenting. i didn't know who i was or what i was doing, and it was the scariest time of my life. i have never felt so ill-prepared or -equipped in my life.

mia is a ray of sunshine. she makes the world feel right, our family feel complete. she wakes needing only to eat and nothing more. she sleeps like a puppy in the window, with her lips suckling and her eye-lids darting every which way through a dream where she is no doubt chasing after her brother, mama's voice, or something i've never imagined.

when i met mia, i felt a peacefulness settle over me, after a somewhat nervous pregnancy. she was here, she was safe, and we were all going to be okay. throughout the 9 months i carried her, i was terrified of finding the loneliness that came with henry's infancy again, and feeling - knowing - i was doing all the wrong things. i had celebrated each new stage, each new development with henry, because we'd survived them. because maybe with the next stage i would handle things better. it would become more natural to me (it was all SUPPOSED to feel natural. it didn't).

today, i am relieved. i am elated. i am so very in love with amelia, our family, this life.

amelia sleeps 5 hour stretches though the night, allowing her mother to sleep like a human (bless you, baby girl). she started smiling this week - wide mouth, lots of gum, her little eyes deep blue slits of happiness. when she's not smiling, she is incredibly serious. watching, waiting. she's on alert, and always turns for familiar voices - mama, daddy. brother keeps us all a little weary. we watch him cautiously when he nears his sister. what will he do? last night he punched her in the head while i was feeding her. this morning, he showered her with sweet kisses and doted over her as if she were a beloved pet. amelia will learn to rely on her brother's ever changing temperament :) and she will know he loves her deeply, as we all do.

happy 2 months, precious babe. i love with you the whole of my being.

if you care to look back -

amelia at 1 month.
henry at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 7 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, 12 months, and 13 months.

amelia elizabeth

amelia (mia) was born september 26 at 12:11am. she was 7 pounds, 5 ounces and 20 inches long. when they told us she was here, she immediately shouted back at them with blood curdling screams that lasted for well over 10 minutes. she was ours, she knew how to scream :)

my birth experience with amelia resonates with me as a relatively calm, peaceful one. i was scheduled for a c-section on september 26, but my water broke the night before. my mom had just flown in to town to stay with henry, so the timing couldn't have been more perfect. when joey and i arrived at the hospital, they ushered us immediately to labor and delivery, and i felt like we were on a smooth little amusement park ride from there until we came out the other side in a sweet corner hospital room with a baby girl in our arms as our fuzzy prize.

since mia's birth, we've kept our little family of 4 as active as can be. joey went back to work the day we got home from the hospital. henry went back to daycare the following day, and a week after we got home from the hospital we hopped on a plane to minneapolis to spend some time with joey's family.

somehow, through the fog of midnight feedings, caring for a spicy-as-ever henry, and trying like crazy to keep up with the laundry that is now laced with spit-up and pink - so much pink! - we've already found ourselves a month in to this new version of life. last night, the one month anniversary of her birth, mia slept 5 hours. total. which was a not so welcomed surprise for her mother, because generally she's a pretty decent sleeper. last week she decided she'd only nurse a select number of times in a day, and all other nutrients would need to come directly from a bottle - thank you very much. she's relatively tolerant of her brother, and the reciprocal is probably true... sometimes. although, in the first days mia was home henry wished her back into mom's tummy several hundred times, and he can never be trusted for more than a fraction of a second alone in the same room with his beloved baby sis for fear that his "love" will translate into a violent display of non-affection/torture.

in celebration of mia's one month of life, here are some traditional pictures (link: henry at 1 month) in a white onesie for comparison.

an ode to single parents

it's really not my intent to sound as if being henry's mom is anything except positively fulfilling and incredible, because it is. right now he's nestled snuggly in the crook of my arm wearing these great light blue fleece jams with forest animals on them (which suits him perfectly), and i can't think of a single second in my life i would replace this moment with. but we both have colds, the kind of cold that rips at your throat while you're trying to hush your crying child and produces messy sneezes and stubborn stuffy noses. we had a really rocky night last night, henry and me, nursing our coughs and fighting sleep like it's soothing arms were just the worst place to land. so instead we bounced, because my little huck can just melt himself right into a good bounce. and then we paced until there really was nothing left of us. and then we collapsed together on the couch surrounded by tissues and blankets and deep, heavy, raspy breathing.

it's in moments like those, when the mama magic is depleted and i can't tell if that dampness on our blanket came from his tears or mine, i pray long and hard for mommies and daddies who do it all alone. because henry has a daddy who spends his days at work and his nights at home bouncing and soothing, wiping and changing, patting and cuddling. he leaves us every morning with showers of kisses, and brings us all the cough drops and aspirators we could ever need. h and i really are the luckiest. and we know it. and if we didn't have joey, we would just be the saddest versions of our very tired selves. but there are moms out there, and dads!, without their best friend right there to make it all okay. they take showers and clean their houses, go to the grocery store and the post office. they find ways to get their hair cut (which i desperately need and still haven't figured out a way to make happen!). and it's a genuine mystery to me how they do it all without the help of a spouse (or significant other). huck is my true love, but he takes it from me, you know? the core piece of myself who used to squish into one day the elements of daily living one must perform as a functioning adult. i'll get it back one of these days, god willing, but lately i've resembled the sloppy woman you've seen at fast food places with ketchup in her hair and mismatched socks. i'm not proud.

so in this moment, while my eyes are dry and my hands are full of henry, his saline nose drops, and a spit-up-laced blanket, i thank god for henry's daddy, my saving grace, my husband. because even when i'm looking like this (really good!), he's still always here for us, his family. and gosh darn it do we love him :)

to birth a henry (part 2)

see part 1 here

i should clarify that when my positive amnio test came back early that morning, traces of amniotic fluid in the test were probably essentially zero, because let me just say (with an inappropriate amount of detail)... my comfy labor bed turned itself right into a modified kiddy pool of warm, gushing amniotic fluid during every. single. contraction. and the "semi-regular" contractions i was having after my water broke were actually really dang painful and essentially back to back, with a slight break after 3ish contractions. my nurse, who i will declare here and now a complete saint despite her charming bluntness, did little to affirm my agony.

nurse wonderful: okay, the bad news is these contractions still don't seem to be doing much. they're still mild to moderate, although they're coming relatively close together, so i'm increasing your pitocin level again.
jamie: mild to moderate?! really?!?! (while silently half-breathing/half-passing-out from the steak knife driving itself into my abdomen with vicious fervor)
n.w.: honestly, yes
j: (probably not very nicely with zero tact and quite a bit of sass) then i'll take that epidural now.

because my contractions (although apparently just weak little tinges of pain!) were coming so closely together, my epidural was administered while the gripping waves of labor continued to lacerate my body/sanity. am i being dramatic? absolutely. but i will tell you that in the 10 minutes it took the epidural to sweep over my body and turn those "virtually painless" contractions into prickles of warmth, and then absolutely nothing, were some of the most celebrated minutes of my labor experience. i also declare any woman who has, will, or has even considered delivering a child without the miracle drug to be my new and forever recognized greatest-woman-on-earth. because, ouch!

once the epidural was rushing through my veins, the time fu-lew by! before i knew it, we were creeping up on midnight and my midwife f.i.n.a.l.l.y. gave me permission to push. and push i did for an hour and a half, until my eyes popped out of my sockets and my toes locked permanently in the curled up position. joey was incredible, counting down through every push, providing ice chips on demand, and reaffirming every effort i gave. my nurse was the most energetic and supportive woman i could have asked for. my two labor coaches, they were fabulous. by the end, i was exhausted, but i would have pushed for hours. my mind was set, this baby was coming out of me right now... how ever far away right now happened to come. to the last minute, my nurse continued to sing my praises and coach me like she would coach a fighter going in for the last win. she convinced me that she knew i could do it, and so i pushed like he was already almost there, despite my midwives skeptical stares. but for all of our hard work, mr. henry refused to budge even an inch. he was locked into my pelvis with his head slightly tilted, making his escape completely impossible no matter how long we decided to trudge on.

the decision to deliver henry via c-section was surprisingly very painful for me. there is something beautiful about the natural process of delivering without surgical intervention, however medicated i had chosen to be. in my mind, i had a vision of how our delivery was going to play out. i knew our baby was stubborn, as demonstrated by his semi-dramatic refusal to excavate himself from my quarters, but i never imagined his birth to be anything but the old fashioned way. until it wasn't.

henry was born at 2:43 am on a friday. his squirmy body lifted high above me wailed with the brightest hello i could have wished for. his limbs were bright red and waving. his voice stretched across the operating room and bounced off the cold metal surrounding his entrance into the world. i saw him for only a second and then i could see only blurs of him through tears that crept on slowly and then took over in a sweeping release. my body was shaking so uncontrollably my teeth chattered together with a force i thought would surely make them crumble. i was completely overcome. he was what we were waiting for. his life marked the beginning of ours in the most literal sense, and from the second i saw his soft, rounded face i knew he would always be mine. his pain would be mine. his smiles would be mine. his struggles, his victories, i would share in them as a secret passenger on his journey. because he was it. this kid. he was what we'd been waiting for.

henry wakes up every morning blinded with hunger, as if he and his mama hadn't spent the night fighting sleep through almost bi-hourly feedings. his weak sighs and forceful grunts accompany his every sleeping breath. and when he wakes, those piercing dark eyes capture his mama's heart while we share smiles, stories, songs, and prayers together. nothing prepares a naive, excited new mama for the role she will play when her little one finally comes into the world. henry was more than i could have ever hoped for. he was more than i will ever deserve. henry richard larson, with my whole heart, i love you. I LOVE YOU.

we spend our mornings chatting about life's wonders. this kid... i can't get enough.

our first attempt at a family picture. we're working on it...

to birth a henry (part 1)

impatiently waiting for strong contractions. silly girl!

there are moments in life that hang in the air like the smoke shadows fireworks leave in the sky long after they've sparkled. henry's birth will always be one of those moments for me. and although i will try to capture the magnitude of that night, i will inevitably fail to accurately describe even a sliver of what it felt like to be there birthing a new life, bringing new breath into a room full of bright lights and sterile metal.

for two weeks leading up to my due date, my midwife confirmed noticeable and progressive cervical dilation.  i was becoming increasingly effaced and babe was head down and engaged by week 40. all good signs that birth was coming... soon! yet, it wasn't. i was already almost a week late and babe was just getting bigger. so at my last prenatal appointment (5 days past my due date) we scheduled my induction date for friday, nov. 8, exactly 1 week past due date. i couldn't wait.

my mom flew in on wednesday night and we chatted over pizza while making plans for the following day. we still had at least 35ish hours to kill before anything with babe was going to move ahead, and this girl was restless. the next morning joey woke early for work, and since sleeping in our bed with a 50 pound bowling ball in my stomach had become about as much fun as sleeping on a tree trunk i woke up with him and headed to the bathroom (for the 20th time in the last 12 hours). when joey got out of the shower we chatted about christmas logistics, our induction the following morning, and plans for the evening with my mom. before he left i let it slip that i felt like maybe... perhaps... but actually probably not... my water could have just broken. of course joey semi-panicked and requested that i call the doctor, which i did after sending joey off to work with a kiss and promise that there was (probably) absolutely no chance my water had broken and that i would keep him updated once i called our midwife.

the call to our midwife resulted in me pessimistically driving my enormous self to the hospital, just in case. baby hadn't moved since i woke up and that increased her concern, especially if my water had really broken. because i didn't want to jinx it, i left our packed hospital bags at home but didn't waste any time getting to the hospital. in the back of my mind i knew baby was fine and my scheduled induction for the following morning would be the true start of the labor i was sooooo ready to have.

i checked in at labor and delivery with my tail between my legs. i'd heard and read so many stories of women who show up at the hospital far before they need to and get promptly shown to the door. to keep me moving towards the l&d desk, i replayed my midwife's words in my head and tried hard to convince myself it was worth knowing the status of baby, who still hadn't moved all morning. after check in, i was surprised to be shown to labor triage and thrown into a gown. liquids were drawn, fetal heart rate monitors were hooked up, and i texted joey a quick status update. baby's heartbeat continued to sound in my ear as i waited for labs to confirm my morning scare was all just a sign of impending (but still not present) labor. at this point i was having steady but completely painless contractions (as i'd been having on and off for the past few weeks), and my midwife came in to check my progress - none since my prenatal appointment the day before. she assured me baby was just fine and warned me that chances were high i would soon be released since her intimate examination revealed in-tacked membranes (i.e. no water breakage yet!). with spirits low, i texted joey to let him know i was being discharged and to stand down for the rest of the day. i texted my mom to confirm our 11am pick-up date and waited impatiently as ever for labs to arrive.

thirty agonizingly long minutes later the nurse came in with her phone to her ear. i overheard her mention something about a positive amnio (a test used to determine if amniotic fluid is present in the urine), but assumed she was semi-rudely discussing the results of another patient's good news in front of me. instead, she looked over at me with a smile and a wink (darling nurse, she was) to negate my suspicions. positive amnio for this girl, we were staying!

i texted my mom and joey to let them know the change of plans and promptly got a call from joey demanding clarification and direction. although this stubborn babe of ours was due almost exactly a week ago, the idea of labor actually, really being here... as in right now, was completely surreal to us both. i don't even remember what we said to each other as we feigned a cool conversation (while both completely freaking out in our heads) about getting my mom to my car, so she wasn't stranded at her hotel while we were at the hospital, and joey to the hospital with our bags.

40 minutes later i was in an expansive and actually pretty luxurious labor suite, hooked to monitors and an iv of very-slow-dripping pitocin that took 3 painful pokes in my "excellent veins" to get right. joey arrived shortly after, and then we waited. and waited. and waited. i'd been at the hospital since around 7am, and by 3 that afternoon all we'd accomplished were some pretty raggedly distributed contractions that were clearly doing no good, and i was starving! at 5pm my midwife came in to break my water and hopefully get the ball rolling. a half hour after my water broke (the most disgusting feeling in the world, by the way!), i was having excellent (and increasingly uncomfortable) contractions semi-regularly. we were finally moving!

read part 2 here.... but first, pictures of henry to tide you over...

this face. after every meal.

only slightly tolerant of his mama after bath time. but that hair!

he's here!

actually he's been here for almost a week. but i'm a selfish new mommy and i've been hogging him for myself ;)

my mom, with her 6th sense, scheduled her flight in to alexandria the night before my water broke, so she's been here to help out from the beginning. she will be here until next monday and joey's mom arrives tonight. i can't describe how great it's been - especially today, joey's first day back to work - to have someone here to talk to, offer advice for this new mommy, and get henry and me out of the house during the day. we're busy settling in to our new, amazing lives as parents so posts might be short and sparse for a while. but i'm a mom now, you know, so i'm obligated (but really just super excited) to share some pictures of my son, the most perfect child in the world :) enjoy!

always so sleepy... until mommy's bedtime :)

he smiles, but only in his dreams

nothing sweeter

hanging out with grandma

my little man

i know, right? he's everything, and we can't get enough! stay tuned for a delightful birth story and possibly more pictures (than you could ever want to see). have a good one!

the stats

days of maternity leave already used: 5

days past due date: (depends who you ask... but if we're going for the most pessimistic nov. 4th due date, then...) -1

last confirmed dilation: 3.5 cm

last confirmed thinning measurement: 50%

number of impatient parents: 2

number of cranky mamas: 1

number of stubborn babes refusing to break from the womb: 1

we're still hanging in there begrudgingly waiting for the baby to make her/his appearance. to pass the time i've been picking up new hobbies and trying not to drive joey crazy. he's giving it his absolute best, but when moods shift on a dime around here he's as baffled and frustrated as you can imagine. yesterday we walked the few miles to the local drug store (mostly in the interest of inducing labor. stat!), had a healthy disagreement about my always present irritation with... well, with everything, and spent the rest of the day at a safe distance from one another while i took up birth announcement design and joey snuggled into his football watching recliner. today looks like it might shake out similar to yesterday. hopes are low for baby arrival any time in the next 24 hours, so we'll try our hardest to dust off our positive attitudes and make the best of our childless lives while they last. 

hope your weekend ends well! in the mean time, we'll be sending those inquiring folks to this site for clarification: http://haveyouhadthatbabyyet.com/

finally fall

is it fall where you are? because it's hit us full swing this week and i couldn't be more pleased. what else is this time of year good for than hot apple cider and pumpkin butter bread (but seriously, you have to make it!)? a few weeks ago, while my mom and kenley were visiting, we stopped by a little pumpkin stand with every size pumpkin you could need, jellies, preserves, butters, and fall decorations. this may be telling of my geriatric tendencies, but i really think there is nothing better for the soul than pumpkins lined in a row and jarred jellies stacked in deep burgundy, hearty gold, and purples. Two weeks later the leaves are falling all around and piling up in the corners of our landscaping to welcome us home every day. this is the time of year for settling in, and finally - as we inch closer and closer to our early november due date - i feel like we're starting to get to that point.

on tuesday i met with yet another physician at my clinic. he bounded into the exam room, sliced through some paperwork, checked out baby's progress, and was out the door in less than 3 minutes. if it was a sprint i signed up for, i came in baffled and dead last. i have no idea what he said during our micro-chat, but i know there's a very good chance the room next door does because just seconds before i overheard doc's megaphone voice gently but hurriedly coaching the patient in the room next to mine about her not-so-smooth postpartum recovery. nice enough guy though, i suppose. he spoke eloquently yet almost childlike about his adventures riding 4-wheeler as a kid in south dakota, so of course i have to like him. my vision of him whipping in and out of my delivery room in the not-soon-enough-near-future has me a little uneasy, but if speed is his game then consider me signed up.

yesterday we visited the hospital we'll deliver at, and it took every ounce of will power i could muster not to climb up on the delivery bed and demand a straight shot of pitocin. call me crazy, but there's a 10 pound medicine ball resting heavily on my pelvis and my patience is running dry. joey drug me away by my swollen toes with promises of dinner out, so of course i caved. by the time i realized he'd chosen a restaurant with pre-dinner bread (the only kind of restaurant worth going to) i had forgotten all about my botched plans for a 37 week delivery and focused instead on my endless plight in the classroom from hell (don't judge me for my exaggerations, it's been a long week). the not-so-great stories are endless, but suffice it to say my spirits are breaking quickly. there's a small (but, realistically, very large) chance my impatience with the little cherubs could be attributed to my incredibly large and uncomfortable self, but 4.5 hours of teaching leaves me itching for a cigarette. you focus on that glorifying image a minute while i practice my labor breathing and fight through the memories. i would be a dying star right now if it weren't for a miracle from heaven today that took away my last teaching period and replaced it with 2 full hours of blissful movie time in the auditorium with the "good kids" who earned themselves some incentive time. sometimes dreams do come true ;)

this weekend i plan to not think about school for 40-ish straight hours and get the rest of our necessities ready for babes. joey's declared this the weekend of car seat installation, so you know we're not messing around anymore. i still need to find the right rug for the nursery and plot out a hospital bag. i'll leave you with this semi-complete nursery to set the tone. parked just outside camera shot is a bright green stroller with a teddy bear strapped inside. joey pushes it around the house sometimes when he knows i could use a giggle or 10. imagining him as a daddy is really one of my favorite things. if he can deal with my petty shenanigans day after day, the man will be the most saintly father in the world.

Have a great weekend!

catch up

this weekend we are enjoying every last cent of freedom from work responsibilities and diving deep into the adventures that the dc area has to offer. we aren't sure what we'll do quite yet, but it's in the high 80's around here, the sun is shining, and we've got the adventure spirit in our sails. i'll keep you posted on where the weekend ends up.

this afternoon we're having lunch with my grandmother's cousin and her husband, the same amazing folks who brought us to dc over a month ago. we're excited to catch up and enjoy some time with family. enjoy your weekend! i'll leave you with a photo that somehow got overlooked from our visit with kenley and my mom last weekend. and a 35 (almost 36 week tummy shot). you're welcome ;)

no, to answer your question, i don't know how the baby could possibly grow any larger in there. it's a mystery i'm sure will reveal itself in the coming weeks! 

oh, hey baby - week 33

you know i know you've seen this sort of thing before (in this blog even, if you've been bored enough to traverse deeply back in time). the head shots with the fuzzy edges and barely-there human features. it's not new stuff, but this one sure does make me swoon. the ultrasound tech today was kind enough to keep her thoughts to herself up until the very first minute i stepped into her lair. "so the baby had pyelectasis? did you find out the sex? because boys very commonly have a mild form of pyelectasis in fetal development." thank you, but no, to answer your question. we didn't find out the sex. on purpose. i asked her kindly to watch her wand while she investigated so we would avoid any unnecessary discoveries, and she smiled in agreement as she smeared the coldest jelly i've ever felt in broad strokes across my tummy. as she wandered through the shadows of my uterus, she eagerly pointed out the symmetrical kidney measurements, both well within the normal range for 33 weeks, and hovered over the lungs long enough to highlight the up and down movements of practice breathing (fetal lungs are filled with fluid until birth, so "breathing" now serves little purpose). she took head measurements and heartbeat sound shots, she checked the femur length and stomach/heart location. towards the end of the sonogram, she punched some numbers, re-worked a few measurements for clarity, and declared my baby very healthy and quite large. we either have a healthy growing boy or a female basketball player with genes from not-these-parents. the head measured in scale with a 36 week fetus, and the legs were the average length for 35 weeks. our precious sumo wrestler is already tipping the scales at a hefty 5 pounds, and did you know we've still got 7 weeks (at least!) to go? size in the next few weeks will only become expedited and we all know eventually the goal is to birth the little (but really i mean big) darling.

worries for another day. i'm off to bed! have a great week.

**thank you to those who checked in about the navy yard shooting today. joey works about 5.5 miles away in arlington and i was safely locked away in my windowless classroom in alexandria. we're safe and sound, but it is surreal to be so close to something so horrifying. we're thinking about everyone involved tonight.

busy weeks and anticipation

this week, let me tell you.... but it's over, thank the lord. long days have been the norm around here. wednesday night was back to school night, and kept me in my classroom until 8:30pm. i brought a co-worker home after, and about a half mile from our doorstep the radiator in my car blew up. thankfully i was able to putt my sorry tush home on "reduced engine power", but it's not the first time we've had to overhaul the pontiac's radiator and we were both less than impressed with this additional drain on funds. by friday, i was ready to collapse. joey and i spent the day yesterday catching up on housework and homework. i forced myself to stay at school until 2, and then i declared myself free. i came home to a freshly scrubbed house (i won the husband lottery, believe me, i know!) and pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, which may or may not last another day around here, because what a perfect way to welcome in the cooler weather and fast changing leaves. we also (finally) purchased this fancy little crib (in white) for our first born. the mattress is in the nursery awaiting its companion and our nursery to-do is quickly dwindling to only a few items. do you hear my relieved sigh through the screen? i can't wait to put it all together!

next weekend we have birthing classes all day saturday and the following weekend we have visitors. the weeks leading up until november will be fast! and did you know... three months until this guy comes to town. we're already tracking plane tickets like hawks! because christmas with family and our new little babe is going to be the best ever.

oh and hey, we have an ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. don't think i won't punish you with new and exciting black and whites of my almost formed child. joey's got pictures of this in his head and can't get past how uncomfortable the baby must be. we're 33 weeks today, so things are getting even more snug in there. let's hope he/she's in good posing form tomorrow!

and now we can have a baby!

today was my second attempt at nailing down an obstetrician in virginia who would sooth my fears and reassure my paranoid self that all is on track with babe. i left school in a daze at 3:20, hardly able to focus on my two second drive across the street to my doctor's office, because i will tell you again middle schoolers are exhausting! as instructed, i showed up 20 minutes early with all required forms neatly and meticulously filled out. up to the ninth floor, babes and i rode the creeping elevator. we found our clinic, checked ourselves in and waited... and waited... and waited. i'm not a big waiter to start with, i have the patience (roughly) of a 10 year old. although i'm working on it! but when i can visualize my desk at school heaping to the brim with to-do lists, yet ungraded assignments, and blank lesson plans desperately in need of content, my patience plummets to even shallower depths. and so i waited, and ground my teeth. checked my email, read the news, contemplated the u.s.'s position in syria, checked my email, debated texting joey to tell him i was moving (with or without him) back to saint paul (and my old doctor, the one i love.love.love). and just as i was about to throw my cell phone across the room to hit the cheery nurse who continued to show up and shout someone else's name, i was called in.

once inside my room, the nurse and i had a pleasant conversation about why in the world one would choose to move across the country in my "condition" - because i am the best wife ever, is the correct answer by the way! - and i was asked to "sit tight" until the doctor was ready to see me. and so i sat. tight as a drum! until finally my doctor swept in and cleared all tension from my shoulders with her airy hello, bright smile, and sincere gratitude for my patience (what patience?). i loved her instantly and spent the next 15 minutes finding a dozen ways to love her more. "of course you're stressed out," she guessed immediately, "but you're doing all the right things and we're happy to have you." she could have said nothing else that would have eased my worries more. she went on to patiently and thoroughly explain the details of the hospital at which we will deliver, the credentials of the midwives who may be the ones to take charge of my delivery, and the process moving forward as we near the due date. i was sold. and so, i am ready to commit to my new doctor/clinic with complete ease. finally!

but now for some real news to start your week off right... this little cupcake and her grandma are coming to see me in a few weeks :)

picture stolen (thank you holli+instagram+facebook)

we couldn't be more excited!