to birth a henry (part 2)

see part 1 here

i should clarify that when my positive amnio test came back early that morning, traces of amniotic fluid in the test were probably essentially zero, because let me just say (with an inappropriate amount of detail)... my comfy labor bed turned itself right into a modified kiddy pool of warm, gushing amniotic fluid during every. single. contraction. and the "semi-regular" contractions i was having after my water broke were actually really dang painful and essentially back to back, with a slight break after 3ish contractions. my nurse, who i will declare here and now a complete saint despite her charming bluntness, did little to affirm my agony.

nurse wonderful: okay, the bad news is these contractions still don't seem to be doing much. they're still mild to moderate, although they're coming relatively close together, so i'm increasing your pitocin level again.
jamie: mild to moderate?! really?!?! (while silently half-breathing/half-passing-out from the steak knife driving itself into my abdomen with vicious fervor)
n.w.: honestly, yes
j: (probably not very nicely with zero tact and quite a bit of sass) then i'll take that epidural now.

because my contractions (although apparently just weak little tinges of pain!) were coming so closely together, my epidural was administered while the gripping waves of labor continued to lacerate my body/sanity. am i being dramatic? absolutely. but i will tell you that in the 10 minutes it took the epidural to sweep over my body and turn those "virtually painless" contractions into prickles of warmth, and then absolutely nothing, were some of the most celebrated minutes of my labor experience. i also declare any woman who has, will, or has even considered delivering a child without the miracle drug to be my new and forever recognized greatest-woman-on-earth. because, ouch!

once the epidural was rushing through my veins, the time fu-lew by! before i knew it, we were creeping up on midnight and my midwife f.i.n.a.l.l.y. gave me permission to push. and push i did for an hour and a half, until my eyes popped out of my sockets and my toes locked permanently in the curled up position. joey was incredible, counting down through every push, providing ice chips on demand, and reaffirming every effort i gave. my nurse was the most energetic and supportive woman i could have asked for. my two labor coaches, they were fabulous. by the end, i was exhausted, but i would have pushed for hours. my mind was set, this baby was coming out of me right now... how ever far away right now happened to come. to the last minute, my nurse continued to sing my praises and coach me like she would coach a fighter going in for the last win. she convinced me that she knew i could do it, and so i pushed like he was already almost there, despite my midwives skeptical stares. but for all of our hard work, mr. henry refused to budge even an inch. he was locked into my pelvis with his head slightly tilted, making his escape completely impossible no matter how long we decided to trudge on.

the decision to deliver henry via c-section was surprisingly very painful for me. there is something beautiful about the natural process of delivering without surgical intervention, however medicated i had chosen to be. in my mind, i had a vision of how our delivery was going to play out. i knew our baby was stubborn, as demonstrated by his semi-dramatic refusal to excavate himself from my quarters, but i never imagined his birth to be anything but the old fashioned way. until it wasn't.

henry was born at 2:43 am on a friday. his squirmy body lifted high above me wailed with the brightest hello i could have wished for. his limbs were bright red and waving. his voice stretched across the operating room and bounced off the cold metal surrounding his entrance into the world. i saw him for only a second and then i could see only blurs of him through tears that crept on slowly and then took over in a sweeping release. my body was shaking so uncontrollably my teeth chattered together with a force i thought would surely make them crumble. i was completely overcome. he was what we were waiting for. his life marked the beginning of ours in the most literal sense, and from the second i saw his soft, rounded face i knew he would always be mine. his pain would be mine. his smiles would be mine. his struggles, his victories, i would share in them as a secret passenger on his journey. because he was it. this kid. he was what we'd been waiting for.

henry wakes up every morning blinded with hunger, as if he and his mama hadn't spent the night fighting sleep through almost bi-hourly feedings. his weak sighs and forceful grunts accompany his every sleeping breath. and when he wakes, those piercing dark eyes capture his mama's heart while we share smiles, stories, songs, and prayers together. nothing prepares a naive, excited new mama for the role she will play when her little one finally comes into the world. henry was more than i could have ever hoped for. he was more than i will ever deserve. henry richard larson, with my whole heart, i love you. I LOVE YOU.

we spend our mornings chatting about life's wonders. this kid... i can't get enough.

our first attempt at a family picture. we're working on it...