oh, hey baby - week 20

and so it goes, another week (almost) gone and zero documentation of this blessed pregnancy via thee blog. after last week's update dump, i swore on a stack of moving boxes (of which there are plenty strewn throughout my abode this week!) that i would diligently find the time/energy/enthusiasm to hash out the weekly happenins, ensuring no details were missed, all photos were properly displayed... and then this week came. to be fair, there have been distractions. i won't tell you how many boxes i may or may not have carried up and down the stairs with sheer determination to finish packing the "extras" before joey arrives home on sunday. and then there were the unexpected house guests, whom i love dearly (of course), but those young folk know how to suck my nights dry of excess writing power. but alas, we are still here, miles within our week 20 parameters, with news to share.

but first, ma bebe:

of which we lovingly refer to as alien child

doesn't he/she look creepy there? but oh the pride! fruit of my womb, in 3d! in this case, i'll admit, the 2d shines a little brighter.

can you get enough of that face?

the second image was taken week 19 during the routine mid-pregnancy ultrasound. everything looked perfect, with the exception of a slightly enlarged right kidney, referred to as pyelectasis. the doctor didn't seem overly concerned about this dilation (baby: 4mm, normal: <=3mm), but referred me to a fetal urology specialist to complete a level 2 ultrasound and get a more informed diagnosis.

the 3d image was provided courtesy of our level 2 ultrasound, of which i can not say enough good things! my ultrasound tech was incredibly informative, patient, and calming. any fears i may have come with were squelched by her soothing tone and complete focus on my baby. i was able to squeeze in on the following monday (week 20) for the level 2, and i arrived optimistically at the specialist's clinic with every bit of confidence the 1mm discrepancy would have resolved itself - my doctor was sure that baby just needed to excrete the excess  urine she/he'd been storing up in the right kidney. unfortunately, the length was 3.4mm, still slightly above normal. 

the specialist was kind and reassuring as she explained the correlation between pyelectasis and down syndrome. although pyelectasis is a relatively common diagnosis in mid-pregnancy (especially in males), it is a marker for downs. because ours is a mild case (below 6mm is considered mild), the specialist was not as concerned, and did not recommend postnatal follow-up provided we stay within our current range. however, she did recommend that we look into prenatal screens that test for trisomies (third chromosomes which lead to birth defects), as this is the only correlated "problem" we need to be concerned about at this time.

joey and i have discussed, in length, our feelings about prenatal screens. we feel they cause unnecessary angst - and sometimes harm - and ultimately make no difference in our decision to carry the baby full-term. in shock and slight denial, i signed the permission form for a blood test that would pick up traces of baby's dna and allow the all-knowing specialists to scan the chromosomes for defects. i didn't commit to the test, but something about the slew of information i had just been handed had me spooked and desperate for more information that would either better prepare us to care for a child with disabilities or wipe away any chance that this baby inside of me is made up of tiny dna, a la an extra chromosome.

my fears and anxiety were only exacerbated with joey's absence (have i mentioned he's been gone for three weeks?!). something about being married to that husband of mine has made my take-on-the-world personality shrink to the tune of i'm-part-of-a-team-here-where-is-my-partner? thankfully he's been back in the world of technology and cellphones for a few days now, but off the grid he was on monday as i stubbornly fought back tears and made a mental list of all the ways my life was spinning out of control. pretty site, you can be assured.

after coming down from panic mode a few hours later, and finally finding a chance to talk at lengths with joey about our options, we came to a relatively quick decision to stick with our original plan and forgo any testing. it's not that we don't have have a grasp on the seriousness of what could potentially be a very different life than we expected 5 months ago with the appearance of a clear-as-day plus sign on the very last e.p.t. in my cabinet. we get the risks, we know what we're up against, but it's sort of become our m.o. in the last few months to live a little less regimented, a little less completely by the book, schedules in order, plans made far in advance. because really, what's the use? where's the fun in knowing where you're going to live, for example, in the next month or two? ;)

i'm meeting joey tomorrow in sioux falls. it's been 20 days since i've seen him, and at this point i'm not even sure he'll recognize me under this ball of a stomach i carry around all day. baby and me, though, we can't wait to see him!