a mother's day

the morning of my first mother's day was spent with my brother's two boys - paxton and kaden (from left to right) - and without henry. it was probably the most fun i've had with two little boys in a long time. because they like to pretend things, and perfect their somersaults, and they get excited about hiding and seeking. but it takes a while, with these two, to convince them i'm into it as seriously as they are. because i'm a grown up, and i'm as much of a stranger as anyone off the street, as far as they're concerned. so there's a lot of exaggerated giggling and crawling around on the floor that has to be done in order for any steel doors to open into their world of trust. but the magic happened to be there that mother's day morning, and so we pretended we were fighters, and i was also their gymnastics coach, and then i was an amputee - which of course probably requires a lot of explanation that i'm just not going to give you, because you weren't in our club that day (you understand, don't you?).

mandatory cousin friendships are always rocky from the start. they'll grow to love each other... we hope.

and then henry came, and because the magic was still flowing, he was cool to them too. because i'm his mom, and since i was already in their club, of course henry was too. kind of. only kind of, because he's a baby, and babies can't do anything fun, really. so, sure we'll sit next to him, because you asked us to, but we probably won't be super stoked about it. and who can blame them?

but let me take a minute to pay tribute to the day of the mothers, because you don’t get awarded your own blog site unless you agree to the fine print requirement about blogging on mother’s day (i’m kidding, of course, but only slightly). and better late than never, is what i say. i have a phenomenal mom who’s been there, even when i didn’t want her to be, since way before my conception. she’s one of those moms who was a mom before she ever was a mom, you know? so when she got handed the role, it was just as natural to her as it was to breathe, and there were all these obstacles and ways in which life could have really spun the whole mothering thing into a vicious kind of mess for her, because kids and their attitudes, and the world and its twists and turns. you maybe don’t know what i mean at all, but as it turns out she’s strong and she’s stubborn and there’s nothing in this world that will ever come between her and the role she plays as a mom. like after death, she’ll be that mom who’ll somehow find a way to send a post-mortem text to just say “hi. i love you.” because that’s what she is, a mom to her very core.

and there are these other mothers in my life who so very much deserve big huge hugs for the tremendous amount of love and support they are always full of. one of which needs to start blog again, stat! and my heart is really sort of hurting right now because they’re so painfully far away from us – geographically, but luckily not too far to call or text in desperation when henry decided he didn't want to be swaddled any more, or my body was shaking uncontrollably because i couldn’t bear the idea of sending him to daycare. so when mother's day came, and i was caste with the in-crowd, i really felt like an ogre in a land full of fairies. who was i to show up to the party with only six months under my belt and without any real proof (besides the still breathing babe on my hip) that i was any kind of mother to speak of? i don't mean to be self-deprecating here, i really don't. it's just that there are all these definitions of motherhood, and to fall into that category is such an honor i really have a hard time accepting the title sometimes.

but this guy, he made me a mom. and if i could have any role in this world, it's henry's mom i would choose - besides being the wife of his dad, because he's someone that's pretty great too. and henry agrees...

i hope your mother's day was as special as you are, no matter what kind of mother (or not mother) you are.