home of the brave

it's been a big, emotional week for this guy. but if we're being honest, it's only mostly been emotional for his mother. we've decided to start weaning him, for a number of reasons that i'm trying really hard to convince myself aren't entirely selfish - and truly henry only cares that someone is feeding him something. i love nursing henry. it's without a doubt my favorite time of the day (or middle of the night), and i am so very grateful that we've been able to nurse for as long as we have.  but it's time, for both of us, to stop. and now, as i sit here listening to daddy try to put huck down with his bottle (half laced with the formula he still refuses to take on its own), my heart is breaking a little. because this quiet, still time before henry lays down for the night, that's our time. i watch his restless body battle against its desperate need for sleep as he drinks his last meal of the day. and slowly, his eye lids become thick, heavy curtains while his breathing slows and his busy hands settle in. if only i could bottle that moment and save it for later so i can take big, reckless gulps of its peacefulness when henry is 9 and he has no more time for bedtime snuggles with mama. if only these times of transition weren't so very bitter-sweet.

he goes down for naps and night-time on his own now. we feed him his bedtime bottle not as a mechanism for lulling him to sleep but to be sure his tummy is full all night through. no more bouncing until our backs are aching, no more rocking only to be beckoned back 10 minutes later by a screaming, red-faced henry. it took one night of pain - for his parents (and the neighbors) - for henry to teach himself to settle into sleep. the month before was ugly. it took over an hour to rock-feed-rock again-bounce-rock-feed to sleep every night. and he was up at least once every night - sometimes for as long as an 2 hours at a time. we were all exhausted. now, he get lots of snuggles and kisses before he lays down - awake - in his crib. we turn on his lullaby machine, give him his nursing blanket (a cloth diaper we use during his feedings), and he rolls onto his side, buries his face in his blanket, and sleeps. all of this takes less than 3 minutes. he gets sleep, we get sleep, and we're all functioning, happy people instead of angry zombies. every two nights or so, h will sleep all the way through the night, but he typically wakes once - for about 15 minutes - for a realquick drink. that kind of night waking i can handle!

this weekend we're heading to a small beach on the coast of delaware to soak up some vitamin d and relax under our new beach tent. it'll be henry's first time to the ocean and his first night sleep in a hotel, so we're all excited. have a wonderful independence day weekend. spend lots of time with family, if they're close by. we're missing ours lots this week - the 4th is always for crazy fireworks excitement, surrounded by our family. here's to new traditions! because who wouldn't want to spend the 4th of july at the ocean? :)