the queasiness has increased this week, especially early in the morning before i've had anything to eat. i notice it much more on days where i'm nervous or anxious about some silly thing at work. i'm sure my normal antics, exacerbated by the hormone bath i live in these days has taken it's toll. i'm hoping these next few weeks bring a slight relief, but i'm happy to live with constant nausea if it means the little guy is still hanging around for the ride. my biggest fear every day is that for some reason this pregnancy won't hold. it's semi-irrational, and completely representative of my perpetual pessimism, but it's there none-the-less. joey tries to be patient, but he's convinced only bad things happen when you invite them in - or worry and fret about them - and so he tends to roll his eyes in disgust when i mention anything remotely to do with 1.) how (not) far along we are, or 2.) how i feel like we're too lucky to have all that we do, and of course this couldn't possibly come so easily to us.
but, he's completely right, and what good will my worrying do anyway? so i try hard to be grateful - which i am, ever so grateful. besides, i have to allot a certain amount of worry energy towards the birth, and oh don't get me started on the fears that seep from my pores about my spread eagle behind, exposed for all to see, in a horrifyingly lit hospital room. because we all know the terrifying sites that are witnessed during the birth of a child. i ask you, how does one sustain a thread of self-respect after all that grunting, screaming, ripping, pooling, bleeding, and complete animalistic behavior erupts from one's body? i'm excited!
this is what we look like this week!
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