on taking the lesson

it's not easy to admit, because i like to think i am a relatively strong person, but the last few weeks have been some rough ones. i tend to do the best when i know where i'm standing, and i know that my life is in some sort of logical order. i like routine. i don't like change. i like to be challenged, but mostly only on my own terms. these characteristics about me drive my husband insane because that means that every time something haphazardly rocks my ship my hands go up and i deflate into a blubbering mess of misery. again, i'm not proud of this. i also know it doesn't make me sound very strong.

over the last few years i've found myself positively showered with really, really amazing accomplishments and life-altering blessings. we got married, we're having a baby, we're healthy, we've been blessed with incredible job opportunities. but intermixed between all that wonderful - and sometimes because of the blessings - there have been some challenges i look back on and feel i hardly survived. my stomach still turns to knots over the memories. and today - these last few weeks - i've been in it again. i'm making the kind of memories i know i will remember later and cringe about. i feel sort of like i'm drowning, not just in the reality of the challenges but in the anxiety i can't seem to break away from. i know there are lessons that need to come from all of this. i know that in the end i will be grateful for the opportunity to have ridden these rough waters towards whatever is was that i was destined to learn from it all. but today i am having a hard time praising god for these great learning experiences.

i hope you are having a great week. i hope the struggles and challenges you are facing make you feel stronger and more capable. i hope you find lots of reasons to smile. meanwhile, i'm working on this: