dear huck // 3

last week daddy was in mexico for work, and you and i took on virginia all by ourselves. we did well, i think, but i give you most of the credit. on saturday you and i drove to warrenton, va for a retreat with my grandmother's cousin, ardeen, who's taken us under her wing and loves you to absolute pieces. you were a hit with all the ladies, and i was flooded with more pride than i think should be legal. your smile is so very infectious, and you fought off every effort of mine to bounce/rock/feed you to sleep for even the shortest of naps only so that you could be awake to chatter and coo and wink at the ladies from the sidelines. you made absolutely sure no one missed you, because you are a show stopper, and i have no idea where you get it from (but i love love love it!). please don't lose that confidence, sweet heart. you have every reason to shine.

one weekend, we pretended that spring was really here

joey is gone this week for work. he's in guadalajara, mx and he's left us behind to bare the cold and snow. he comes back home on saturday. it will be 88 degrees in mexico when he leaves, i only hope he decides we're worth coming back to! but we're so thankful for technology while he's been gone, because we've gotten to see and talk to him every day since he left. henry still can't quite figure out why daddy can talk to him and smile at him but he never picks him up. so we've been hanging out just the two of us, and at this point i think henry is desperate for anyone at all to talk to besides his mother because he is sufficiently bored out of his gourd.

my mom brought my cousin, alyssa, and my nephew, kaden, to visit last weekend. we were so happy to have them! we spent some time at the national children's museum, where henry woke up just in time to eat and test the strength of his poor diaper so hard that every single item of clothing he was wearing had to be peeled from his body. that was a fun clean-up when you're a germaphobic mama who refuses to let her child touch a single stitch of public restroom surface. but we survived (barely), and spent the rest of the afternoon walking along the pier at the national harbor and shopping 'til we all dropped at the outlet mall nearby.

because we live in a house the size of a tick, we forced our visitors to stay in a hotel while they were here. but the offshoot is that hotels have pools, and kaden got to swim his heart out and henry got to swim for the first time in his life. 

we're so anxious for joey to come back home. we hope you're staying warm and snug while we all wait for spring to finally get serious!

#newparentproblems

how do you feel about the cry-it-out method? joey and i have long been on the fence about this somewhat barbaric approach of accomplishing sleep for henry, and have, up until now, mostly squashed the idea of suffering through the incessant cry-screams from our dearest huckle. although, admittedly, i've always sort of assumed we'd take the plunge eventually. there are several different versions of and philosophies regarding sleep training and i guess you might say we were in the beginning stages of educating ourselves via the google when the dreaded 4 month sleep regression (it's really a thing!) happened in a big way at our house. and you know desperate times call for yada yada, so we ramped up our google searches in the last few days because although desperate may be an enormous stretch here, by now you know that sleep rates super high on my survival necessities list. and lately, because my husband is probably the best there ever was, i've been pulling joey down with me on reallylong nights with henry, and we all know how happy a household can be when mama, daddy, and baby are all exhausted and short tempered. real happy. 

last week was long anyways, but two nights ago poor henry was bright eyed and notevenalittletired from about 10 pm until 4 in the am, leaving his weary parents trading the bundle of joy back and forth in hopes that the next bounce, or feeding, or cuddle would be the magic ticket to dreamland for the entire family. but they never were. until finally joey laid henry in his crib at 4 am, where we let him cry for 20 minutes until he finally fell asleep. that night the family banked a total of four hours of sleep, thank goodness, because another spot of snow fell in the dc area and joey (of course!) didn't have to work the following morning. 

in honor of the previous night from not-heaven, joey and i held an emergency pow wow yesterday regarding the matter of sleep in the larson household, and decided to work on teaching henry to self-soothe (i.e. spend some time crying it out). and in true henry fashion, he spent the day in straight disgust of his parents' new tactics and slept m.a.y.b.e an hour and a half through the day, but laid down for a full night of sleep at 7:30 with very little fuss. at 3:30 am h woke for the shortest of short snacks, then laid right back down to cry for a few minutes until he decided enough was enough and he fell straight to sleep until joey woke him up this morning for daycare. 

i am by no means saying our incredible luck last night means, in any way, that we're back in line for a smooth sail with henry sleep-wise. nor am i saying our (or any) sleep training methods are best - because they're hard! veryveryhard! but we celebrate all minor successes around here, and i wouldn't blame you if you decided to skim-read the next time henrymakesthemamaproud.

here are a few pictures for dessert.

that furrowed brow.
he's always got a thing or two (not nice things) to say when we get too close to bedtime.

a day - or two - in the life

around henry's three month birthday, joey decided the sleeping pattern we'd been perpetuating with henry wasn't going to work. he was right, the hours were annoying! h woke up every morning around 7 o'clock - which i loved - but he refused to go down at night until at least 11. more often closer to midnight. of course he woke several times in the night too, so mama bear was lucky to bank herself three or four good hours of sleep each night. i'd gotten used to it by the third month, but in the beginning that schedule was my version of straight hell. the first night of our new initiative - operation 'get da mama some sleep' (gdmss) - we dimmed the lights in the house, bathed our grumpy babe, and nestled in for a few books before his scheduled feeding at around 8:00 pm. when it came time to eat, huck and i shut ourselves into my bedroom with the lights dim and one of us ate while the other silently pleaded for mercy and a solid 5-7 hours of sleep. strangely, that first night henry slept from about 8:30 pm until 7:30 the following morning. he didn't wake up once! we tried again the next night - equal success. and so it began, our celebrated nightly ritual of bathing, reading, and feeding, and eventually henry was asleep by 8 each night and regularly slept through the night, unless he woke once or twice for a (very quick) snack and went back down in less than a half hour. consequently, mother found her long lost mind again, and joey and i were able to re-establish a semblance of our old relationship, where we actually got to spend time with one another again without the company of our needy infant. life was good!

but you know i wouldn't be sharing all of this good luck, nor would i be writing in past tense, if our bubble of happy sleeping continued to hold strong. because on saturday night, exactly one month since we started operation gdmss, the clocks played a nasty prank on the larson household - oh, it happened at your house too? weird - and sprung one hour ahead so that henry found himself awake at 8:30 sunday morning instead of 7:30, and when the clock struck 7:30 that night, and his parents tried to begin the nightly bedtime routine, henry's body said, "hold it right there, mom! it's only 6:30!" although henry's always been a sucker for a cuddle and feeding with mom, and so an hour early didn't stand in his way of falling asleep right on time at 8 o'clock (new time). but something inside little huckleberry sent up smoke signals and sounded the alarms, because that night henry woke up six times before 1:00am. the next night he did the same thing. and last night, he was awake every two hours allnightlong! newborn henry came back in a big way, almost seven pounds heavier and four inches taller with much less hair! a speedy fast forward back to four month henry might not break my heart. because sleep has been such a welcomed part of my life again, and i missed hanging out with my husband!

it's also been a month since i swore off dairy for the good of huck's tummy, and today we had a follow-up with his pediatrician to make sure it's been effective. it hasn't, at least as far as his diapers are concerned, so the next step is to cut out soy. you know soy, the key ingredient in any of your major dairy replacement food items: cheese, yogurt, creams, fake chocolate, etc. so now i think i'm safe to eat... lettuce? i'm clearly exaggerating (like always), and of course it's a worth-while sacrifice for henry. plus, his pediatrician assures me it may only take a few months before we can start fazing dairy back in again, so i won't complain (much). but that is it for my lenten fast. i think god will understand if i don't commit to giving up decaf coffee this year. i hope.

henry and i visited his new daycare a couple of times this week, and i let him stay on his own while i bit my fingernails off and paced nervously while watching the clock like a mad-woman. the center is run by a peruvian woman named ana and her three spanish-speaking employees. the infant room - henry's room - is supervised by the only caregiver who doesn't speak any english at all. i couldn't even ask her what her name was. but when we found the center, we fell instantly in love. imagine how cool it'll be to have our kids so far ahead of the game they're exposed to and learn to speak two languages from infancy! plus we really loved the energy, the care-taking philosophies, and the overall cozy, homey feeling we got the minute we walked in. i finally got official word that my new job at george washington university starts in a few weeks, so it will no longer be just me and h all day every day (don't get me started on how that feels - horrible! - because that's not what this is about. don't worry, i'll (over) share more veryveryvery soon). lots of changes in our neck of the woods these days. if you have a minute or two, your thoughts would be appreciated.

hope all is well with you and yours!

4 months

lately, huck has been doing a lot of this

every morning when i pick him up from his crib and lay him on his changing table he greets me with a spit shower and the proudest smile he's got. of course, like a responsible mother, i spit right back. oh, i know! i'll regret it, and parent of the year shall not be me. shoot!

and we've been working really hard to get him to do this (stay tuned, the real action doesn't happen until about 30 seconds in)

every week during mass henry makes a new set of friends with his bashful smile, and yesterday during the homily he shouted back at the priest in his not-inside voice and burped loud enough to turn a lot'a far away heads. 

but everyone says he looks more like me these days, so of course i think he's an angel sent straight from above. 

happy four months hucky! we love love love you!

a look back at 1 month, 2 months, and 3 months

dear huck // 2

monday morning snow day. heaven right here on earth.

you were born just in time for one of the most notoriously cold and snowy winters in northern virginia. no one here knows what to do when any accumulation of snow falls at all, and temperatures in the single digits cause shut downs all around. all this really means for you and me is that we get to hang out with daddy lots more - he gets to stay home with us just about every time it snows. we love it! we mostly stay in the house together and watch the flakes fall in heaping piles on top of our stagnant cars. i don't think you would mind the cold if we had any real reason to go outside, you spent last winter in minnesota - although snug and warm in mama's tummy - where temperatures in the single digits - or any temperature above zero - are celebrated through most of the winter. snow fall in minnesota on a typical tuesday will reach 4-6 inches without even sparking a head turn, it just means it's winter after all and everything is right in the world. any prolonged amount of time without snow on the ground between november and the middle of march is almost eery, especially if it lasts for more than a week. but we loved it there, and some day we will take you back to our old neighborhood and i know you will love it too.

you are completely in love with your daddy these days, and when he comes home from work you stare at him first without a smile, then burry your face in excitement as he sneaks closer to you with his tickling fingers and nuzzling nose. your smile is bright and a little bashful, and you talk and talk while daddy holds you in his lap and makes goofy faces while he asks you about your day. that picture, the one with the two of you chatting away together, is one i'll hold in my heart forever. my two loves, both so very much in love with each other. there's nothing better.

you started screaming from the bottom of your toes last week, and i'm convinced it's only because you're a huckleberry and you know how to make your mom and dad jump. we could be having the most spectacular time reading stories, playing with your yellow puppy, or dressing you after a bath and your lungs will open up with the most dreadful wail there ever was. your tonsils vibrate so hard i think you're going to scream them right off, and your tear ducts spill over with great big salty tears that splash onto our shoulders and cover your bright red face. we try to soothe you with whispered lullabies and lots of gentle, calming pats, but so often it seems you only need to drain your tears and scream loud enough to alert the president of your overwhelming sorrow. don't worry sweetie, i'm positive he hears you.

next week i will take you to daycare for a few afternoons so you can play with your new friends. i try to be brave for you while we tell you all about ana and her rooms full of toys, but mama's heart hurts so hard at the idea of leaving you with anyone who doesn't know just exactly what part of your neck is the most ticklish or the right way to make the itsy bitsy spider crawl up your legs, under your arms, and straight to your nose. will you know mama still loves you if i'm not the one to cuddle you after your nap? will you take your bottle like a big boy and be nice to your friends? of course you will. of course it will be okay.

on saturday you will be four months old. the other day daddy weighed you on the bathroom scale and the display read 17.8 pounds. when we eat in front of you now, you watch us intently and chomp your gums while you lap loudly with your tongue. there's a really good chance you'll be ready to eat big boy cereal soon, even mama's tea makes you slurp your lips and dive for the cup. you're growing up too fast baby. please slow down.

not for lack of sentiment

i remember when huck's feet started to reach the surface of the bed when he nursed. he was just weeks old, maybe 4, and I struggled to find a position that would make him more comfortable. i didn't want his legs to get tired. i didn't want him to feel responsible for holding himself in place. it sounds completely absurd now, he had hardly the physical strength then to lift his legs up off his changing table, let alone the muscle and coordination to brace himself through a 20 minute feeding. today when i nursed him his feet rested flat on the bed beside me. his knees bent just above the very spot his feet used to dangle from my lap. what used to seem like such a mystery - how will we keep nursing as he continues to grow taller and bigger in my lap? - just vanished one day as if it never even existed at all. these sorts of things tend to answer themselves in time, often before we even have a chance to look up.

i was thinking about this the other day as i was feeding huck and reading this article (which is sure to make any mama cry). god-willing, henry is not our last baby, but the message in the article resonated with me as we prepare to pack away yet another size of h's clothes and turned the calendar today so that one more month is tacked on to henry's age. it's such a conundrum, this mommy thing. i look so forward to, and celebrate, every new step in h's development. next he's going to start forming vowel sounds! check. next he'll grab at everything within reach and try to put it in his mouth! check. next he'll start to roll over! imagine how fun it'll be when he crawls! walks! talks in sentences! runs!... the list is endless, and each new stage is so magical to us as new, totally clueless parents. but it's also so painful to put away remnants of his last big accomplishment. when i boxed up his 'home from the hospital' outfit i fought back tears for hours. a few weeks ago we moved the straps higher in his car seat. he rides front-facing in his stroller now, no longer supported by his infant seat. these things physically pain me, but also make me swell with pride. where does it end? i have this vision of myself with tears streaming down my face as henry eats his first slice of pizza. not a moment anyone would say is traditionally honored, but it very likely will be (if even a little bit) for me. i cried the other day because he smiled at his own reflection in the mirror. i knew being a parent would make life a little insane. no one ever told me about this endlessly sentimental and neurotic behavior i can't seem to break from. now I know. i've never felt so much pain and happiness in all my life. i guess that's one thing i'll never have to pack away with henry's swaddle blankets and pacifiers. i think that might be (at least for now) okay.